Last month I attended a much needed Monat team retreat. Initially the urge to stay home was STRONG. I love being home with Ryan and the kids - like, I LOVE love it. Whether I’m reading, making room for another house plant, (albeit, sometimes forcibly making room), challenging all to a Connect Four tourney or sitting outside, it brings me great peace + joy. That said, I also have goals when it comes to my Monat business. And, reaching those goals requires growth. What I’ve come to learn is that true growth comes when you step outside your comfort zone.
On the retreat I grew in a new and unfamiliar territory - my subconscious. One of the mornings was dedicated to a hypnotherapy group session with Shane Swaney. I have never been hypnotized. Naively, the first thing I thought of was the entertainment at After Prom in high school. Despite this, I was open because I thought, “hell yes! Show me what I need to do to continue to succeed in my business.”
What came in the next 30 minutes was one of the most intense physical manifestations I’ve ever experienced. It started as pure relaxation as we made our way through the “inner house” of our subconscious. As we walked through the main level, I felt pure bliss and light as a feather. Then the hypnotherapist guided us to open the basement door. First level of the basement began uprooting the bliss I had just felt. At the second level, my heart began racing and I started to cry. By the time we were in the lowest level of the basement, I was shaking and crying. I was sobbing so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath. It had stirred a deeply held and suppressed belief from an event 12 years prior, almost to the day.
What did I see? The only image that kept flashing was Nash’s infant face as I rocked him in the ER the night we found him unresponsive + blue. Eyes closed, tubes everywhere and his body limp from pain meds. The words “you’re not enough” kept flashing through my mind. Twelve years ago, I created this belief. I told myself I was a failure as a Mom and I dealt with it all by not dealing at all. I avoided these feelings by being a busy, new Mom.
I let myself believe that by blocking out that horrible and traumatic night and believing (but not really) it wasn’t my failure as a Mom, I was “better.” But the truth, twelve years later I sat in a room full of women - a freaking mess. After our session ended, I continued sobbing as it released and feeling like I had been hit by a semi-truck yet so much lighter. I didn’t realize this was a subconscious block for me not only personally, but also, professionally. As Shane stated, “That was an intense release you experienced, it should lead to some really positive changes that will show up over the next week or two.” And it has. When I try to remember the traumatic event, it moves further and further away into my past.
Looking back, I tried to come up with a reason not to go to the retreat for a solid three weeks beforehand. Yet all the signs that I needed to go on this trip were there ... right down to the rap song that happened to play as I drove to the airport at 4:30 am. The exact song I imagine playing as I walk the Monat stage when I reach my business goals.
I share this story with you because there are a hundred times in my life and in my business where I feel scared, insecure, and straight up uncomfortable. Honestly, sometimes I stay comfortable. It’s easier. But if I can inspire you with my story, then not only have I grown from it, but you might be more likely to take a chance on those scary uncomfortable things! If you are being called to do something, and it’s way outside of your comfort zone, be assured, you will experience BIG growth.
